Saying Good Bye Grandma Ryan, Rest in Peace

Today at 3:00pm Grandma Linda passed away. She had been fighting the battle with Cancer for almost a year and on November 4th, 2007 at 3:00 pm she is finally in a better place with no more pain. Donny called me at 3:00 and told me the fight is over, I wasn't able to talk so we ended up hanging up. He called me back a couple of minutes later and I was just getting ready to leave and go to the AngelsGrace Hospice in Oconomowoc. I left Cameran at home with my mom. Don's dad and girlfriend and Cam's cousin we also at our house for a little dinner and cake for Cam's Birthday. On the way over to be with Don I had a lot of different emotions running though me. Sad, mad, thank full, and scared. When I got to the Hospice it was very, very sad. After everyone got to say there good buys the Funeral home came and we walked her out which was even harder. What I keep telling my self is she is in a better place and she is Cameran's little angle. She always said she wanted to make it to Cameran's Birthday party and she did. We will always remember this day and we will always celebrate her life, her fight, her strength, and her stubbornness :)(which I believe got her though a year of fighting Cancer)


Don and I left the Hospice around 6:00 pm and went home to Cameran and my mom. We had dinner with Cameran and my mom and then we had Birthday Cake and then we opened up presents. It was a nice quite night.

We will miss you always and forever.
We love you Grandma and we know you are watching over us.


Here are a couple of pictures

Happy 3rd Birthday Cameran

Happy 3rd Birthday Cameran. You are getting so big and smart. You ask so many cute questions and I always try my best to answer them. Here are some of the things you have asked or said;
- you love calling everyone different names. like Grandma is Cameran, and Cameran is Grandpa Or Daddy is Grandpa and your Senta. You think its so funny.
- we were driving in the car and you saw some horses and you said, "look mommy the horses have pajamas on" and they you asked Can they were my pajamas?

We went for a nature hike yesterday and you get a little scared of deer and bears. So what I said was lets look for frog and Cam asked "Frogs no bit?" I said No and you came back and said deer bit and I said no. You then came back and said deer eat frogs, I then said No deer eat grass and corn. Its fun watching him start to under stand.

Grandma Linda, saying good buy

AngelsGrace Hospice is were my mother-in-law is spending her last days. One week ago on October 26, 2007 Donny and his mom went to AngelsGrace to get Linda a beautiful room to spend her last days in. A week has passed and she is know in a coma. The Doctor told us that it will either be tonight or tomorrow morning that she will leave us and go to a better place. On November 7, 2006 was the day we found out Linda had Cancer. They had given her 4 to 6 months if she decided not to do treatment. Linda did do treatment until they won't working anymore, which brings us to today. AngelsGrace Hospice is a beautiful, beautiful place. They have been taking really good care of her. Since she got to the Hospice a week ago she has deteriorated really, really fast. It is so hard to watch her like this. I wish I could help Donny but I have no idea what I can do or say. He his having a hard time witch is very understandable. It is just really hard to see your husband sad and even cry.

Tomorrow which is November 4, is Cameran's 3rd Birthday. I am so so mad that God could take Cameran's Grandma on his 3rd Birthday. This is suppose to be a happy day for him and all I can think about is how sad it is going to be, for Cameran and Donny. I feel all Donny will be able to think about will be his Mom. Which I understand, but how to I explain to Cam why daddy isn't happy on his birthday. I just don't understand why this could happen and how could it happen again.

I would like to go back two years, on November 2, 2005 Cameran's Great Grandma had passed away. She lived in Arkansas which means Don, his brother and his dad went down to his Grandma's to put her to rest. I would have gone but I really wasn't invited, which is besides the point. We had planned to have a big birthday party for Cameran, which Don wasn't at, which I understand. Last year we decided not to have a birthday party so this year we were going to have a big party for him because this year we are able to have it at our house because we live back by our families. On Thursday we decided to cancel his birthday party because Linda (Cam's Grandma) wasn't doing good and they only gave her a couple of days.

Cameran's birthday feels like its been jinks. His first birthday with his Great Grandma passing way, to his second birthday (actually the 7th of November) we found out that Linda (Cam's Grandma) had cancer, then his 3rd birthday has been canceled and I believe his Grandma is going to pass way on the 4th which is Cameran's birthday.

What, What do I do. How does our family get passed this. How do I make Cameran's birthday a happy day again. How do I help my husband have a good time on Cameran's birthday without making it such a hard day for him.

Right know I'm waiting to get a phone call from Donny and it is so hard. I don't know how to feel because Linda has been though so much and she is going to be in a better place, but Cameran is going to grow up with out knowing his Grandma. He has had so little time with her and she's being taking way from us.

big boy potty

On Saturday Cameran went potty on the big boy potty for the first time. He was so cute. He sat on the potty facing the tank which seams to work really well. Everything made it into the potty, no clean-ups for mommy. As he was getting onto the potty he says "mommy get out". The way he said it was so cute, so I went just outside the door were I was still able to here that he actually went potty. After he was all done he asked me for help to put his underwear on but he wanted to put his shorts on by himself. He wasn't able to get his foot in so he was getting really mad. I asked him if I could show him how to put his shorts on, but he wouldn't any of that. He got even madder. So I just waited until he ask for help. I was so proud of my little boy. This is great that he doesn't want mommies helping but its a little hard knowing my baby boy is becoming my independent boy.

NO TIME ANYMORE

So we have the internet at home but with working 50 hours a week (sitting on a computer all day) I really don't want to sit on the computer when I get home. I did put together this slide show of our weekend at the Milwaukee Zoo. We had lots of fun with Grandma and Grandpa.

still no internet

We still don't have Internet in our new house. It really sucks. I don't get Internet at work either so I haven't been able to do any blogging. I have a lot to write about: So here it goes.

About 2 weeks ago Don's mom found out her cancer isn't doing good. It has spread a lot more in her liver. The doctor told her she has about 4 month to live. It's so hard to believe because she feels so good. After finding this out we ask Linda if she wanted to go to our cottage with us for the weekend. We had a lot of fun. She helped me plant plants. We made the outside of the cottage look really nice. We also went over by Don's dad's house. We had dinner and played outside all afternoon. It was really nice weekend. Here are some pictures.

Linda resting after helping all morning pick weeds and plant plants at the cottage.

Camy and mom's sitting by Grandpa's pond

Brady, Brandon and Camy exploring at grandma and grandpa's pond in there back yard.

Camy and mommy decided to go into grandma's raft. There we tons of tadpoles that we got to watch.

Grandma and Camy up north at grandpa's pond. They are throwing rocks into the pond.

Don, his mom and brother have been busy getting everything ready for there mom. They have looked at places for Linda to stay when she starts to get to sick to stay home buy herself. This week they went and got all the funeral arraignments set up. This has been hard for everyone. It has helped that Linda has excepted what is happening to her. She it trying to do as many things before she gets to sick.

Don doesn't talk to me really about what he's feeling or whats he's going throw. I'm trying to give him his space but still try and be there for him.

good week so far

I can't believe it's already Wednesday night. I had my grandma, great Uncle and his girlfriend over for dinner last night. It was nice to have them over for dinner and to show them our new house. My great Uncle is very old fashioned. We had all the food set out on the counter so everyone could grab what they wanted and the sit down and eat. We'll my great uncle says "give me a burger and bun." Don says you get up and get or you're not going to eat tonight. We'll the way I am, I don't like to have conflict, so what do I do, I give him what he wants.

Cameran and I are doing better this week. I'm trying to do things a little different when he starts to act up. So tonight when he was in the naughty corner and he started to scream I walked out of the room and just let him sit. He came looking for me and I was in my bedroom. I asked him if he was all done screaming? Cam said yes and then I told him if he was going to scream some more then he should go back into a time out and when he was ready to come out and be good that he could come and get me again. He seamed to take this very well. We both went back into the kitchen and finished his dinner. He didn't scream anymore. I'll see if this works tomorrow too. It's so hard because I don't want to yell because that just makes it worse.

On a good note Cam has been asking to go to the bathroom lately. So we go and sit on the potty. He hasn't actually went potty but he has interest in sitting on the potty. It funny, he sits facing the tank. I have no clue where he learned that.

I got a phone call from our friends from Land O Lakes. They are heading down south and wanted to now if they could stop by on Saturday. Cameran is so excited to see his little friend again. We do miss them so much. I'm so glad that we get to see them.