We are back

I'm not sure were I should start. It's been a couple very busy weeks. Moving, cleaning the new house, unpacking all our crap into the new house, hanging pictures, fixing up the yard. With all that I also started working full time. Cameran finishing his second week at daycare. He is going 4 days a week and one day a week he go's by Grandma's house. The first week was hard for both Cam and I. His first day was June 4th and when I dropped him of he really cried for mommy. As I was walking away to go to work I so badly wanted to go back and say it would be ok but I new that would be a bad idea. I really had to hold back the tires. I called the daycare at about 10:00 to make sure he was doing ok and they said he was doing just fine. Which made me feel much better. That first week he cried every day I dropped him off but the second week he was doing much better and I'm also doing much better with sending him to daycare.

Cameran and I have been having a ruff couple of weeks though. He seems to be really naughty when I'm around. That has been really hard for me to handle. I'm going to work 40 hours a week and when I come home Cameran is soooo naughty. He does everything and anything to push my buttons. I try and try to not yell and get mad. The one day my mom watched him and she came to my house to drop him off and she says he was so good. They had lots of fun. But as soon as he saw me he started screaming and started acting up. I tried getting Cam to eat. I even said we'll go for a walk after he's all done. That didn't work and he started to scream again. So I put him in a time out, he screamed more and louder. I told Cam that if he's not good, mommy and Senta are going for a walk with out him(my mom was still with us). Cam didn't get better so Senta(our dog) went for a run and my mom watched Cam for me. Cam cried and cried. He wasn't happy at all. But when I came back he was ok and he was still eating. I feel so bad because I'm not enjoying my very little time that I get with Cameran. I'm actually happy to be back to work because Cameran and I haven't been so good. One of my friends said this weekend she herd someone say "there will be a time you hat your kids as much as you love them" I feel like such a horrible mom but I truly felt like this. This Saturday Cameran picked up a candle and I asked him to put it down and he ended up throwing it, so I picked it up and I told him that was naughty. He started to scream and scream and I just started to cry. I couldn't help it. I love my little boy so much and I hate feeling like this. I hate only have 3 hours with him a night and that time with him is not a good time.

After reading this over I feel horrible about wanting to work instead of being with my son. I love my son so much and it hurts. I just want to time I spend with him to be good, not bad.

On a better note we had a great day today. It was my mom's birthday and we went up to my mom and dad's house for a cook out. It was fun. Cam gave grandpa a fathers day card and gave grandma a birthday card. He told Grandma "happy birthday" It was so cute the way he said it.