Saying Good Bye Grandma Ryan, Rest in Peace

Today at 3:00pm Grandma Linda passed away. She had been fighting the battle with Cancer for almost a year and on November 4th, 2007 at 3:00 pm she is finally in a better place with no more pain. Donny called me at 3:00 and told me the fight is over, I wasn't able to talk so we ended up hanging up. He called me back a couple of minutes later and I was just getting ready to leave and go to the AngelsGrace Hospice in Oconomowoc. I left Cameran at home with my mom. Don's dad and girlfriend and Cam's cousin we also at our house for a little dinner and cake for Cam's Birthday. On the way over to be with Don I had a lot of different emotions running though me. Sad, mad, thank full, and scared. When I got to the Hospice it was very, very sad. After everyone got to say there good buys the Funeral home came and we walked her out which was even harder. What I keep telling my self is she is in a better place and she is Cameran's little angle. She always said she wanted to make it to Cameran's Birthday party and she did. We will always remember this day and we will always celebrate her life, her fight, her strength, and her stubbornness :)(which I believe got her though a year of fighting Cancer)


Don and I left the Hospice around 6:00 pm and went home to Cameran and my mom. We had dinner with Cameran and my mom and then we had Birthday Cake and then we opened up presents. It was a nice quite night.

We will miss you always and forever.
We love you Grandma and we know you are watching over us.


Here are a couple of pictures

Happy 3rd Birthday Cameran

Happy 3rd Birthday Cameran. You are getting so big and smart. You ask so many cute questions and I always try my best to answer them. Here are some of the things you have asked or said;
- you love calling everyone different names. like Grandma is Cameran, and Cameran is Grandpa Or Daddy is Grandpa and your Senta. You think its so funny.
- we were driving in the car and you saw some horses and you said, "look mommy the horses have pajamas on" and they you asked Can they were my pajamas?

We went for a nature hike yesterday and you get a little scared of deer and bears. So what I said was lets look for frog and Cam asked "Frogs no bit?" I said No and you came back and said deer bit and I said no. You then came back and said deer eat frogs, I then said No deer eat grass and corn. Its fun watching him start to under stand.

Grandma Linda, saying good buy

AngelsGrace Hospice is were my mother-in-law is spending her last days. One week ago on October 26, 2007 Donny and his mom went to AngelsGrace to get Linda a beautiful room to spend her last days in. A week has passed and she is know in a coma. The Doctor told us that it will either be tonight or tomorrow morning that she will leave us and go to a better place. On November 7, 2006 was the day we found out Linda had Cancer. They had given her 4 to 6 months if she decided not to do treatment. Linda did do treatment until they won't working anymore, which brings us to today. AngelsGrace Hospice is a beautiful, beautiful place. They have been taking really good care of her. Since she got to the Hospice a week ago she has deteriorated really, really fast. It is so hard to watch her like this. I wish I could help Donny but I have no idea what I can do or say. He his having a hard time witch is very understandable. It is just really hard to see your husband sad and even cry.

Tomorrow which is November 4, is Cameran's 3rd Birthday. I am so so mad that God could take Cameran's Grandma on his 3rd Birthday. This is suppose to be a happy day for him and all I can think about is how sad it is going to be, for Cameran and Donny. I feel all Donny will be able to think about will be his Mom. Which I understand, but how to I explain to Cam why daddy isn't happy on his birthday. I just don't understand why this could happen and how could it happen again.

I would like to go back two years, on November 2, 2005 Cameran's Great Grandma had passed away. She lived in Arkansas which means Don, his brother and his dad went down to his Grandma's to put her to rest. I would have gone but I really wasn't invited, which is besides the point. We had planned to have a big birthday party for Cameran, which Don wasn't at, which I understand. Last year we decided not to have a birthday party so this year we were going to have a big party for him because this year we are able to have it at our house because we live back by our families. On Thursday we decided to cancel his birthday party because Linda (Cam's Grandma) wasn't doing good and they only gave her a couple of days.

Cameran's birthday feels like its been jinks. His first birthday with his Great Grandma passing way, to his second birthday (actually the 7th of November) we found out that Linda (Cam's Grandma) had cancer, then his 3rd birthday has been canceled and I believe his Grandma is going to pass way on the 4th which is Cameran's birthday.

What, What do I do. How does our family get passed this. How do I make Cameran's birthday a happy day again. How do I help my husband have a good time on Cameran's birthday without making it such a hard day for him.

Right know I'm waiting to get a phone call from Donny and it is so hard. I don't know how to feel because Linda has been though so much and she is going to be in a better place, but Cameran is going to grow up with out knowing his Grandma. He has had so little time with her and she's being taking way from us.

big boy potty

On Saturday Cameran went potty on the big boy potty for the first time. He was so cute. He sat on the potty facing the tank which seams to work really well. Everything made it into the potty, no clean-ups for mommy. As he was getting onto the potty he says "mommy get out". The way he said it was so cute, so I went just outside the door were I was still able to here that he actually went potty. After he was all done he asked me for help to put his underwear on but he wanted to put his shorts on by himself. He wasn't able to get his foot in so he was getting really mad. I asked him if I could show him how to put his shorts on, but he wouldn't any of that. He got even madder. So I just waited until he ask for help. I was so proud of my little boy. This is great that he doesn't want mommies helping but its a little hard knowing my baby boy is becoming my independent boy.

NO TIME ANYMORE

So we have the internet at home but with working 50 hours a week (sitting on a computer all day) I really don't want to sit on the computer when I get home. I did put together this slide show of our weekend at the Milwaukee Zoo. We had lots of fun with Grandma and Grandpa.

still no internet

We still don't have Internet in our new house. It really sucks. I don't get Internet at work either so I haven't been able to do any blogging. I have a lot to write about: So here it goes.

About 2 weeks ago Don's mom found out her cancer isn't doing good. It has spread a lot more in her liver. The doctor told her she has about 4 month to live. It's so hard to believe because she feels so good. After finding this out we ask Linda if she wanted to go to our cottage with us for the weekend. We had a lot of fun. She helped me plant plants. We made the outside of the cottage look really nice. We also went over by Don's dad's house. We had dinner and played outside all afternoon. It was really nice weekend. Here are some pictures.

Linda resting after helping all morning pick weeds and plant plants at the cottage.

Camy and mom's sitting by Grandpa's pond

Brady, Brandon and Camy exploring at grandma and grandpa's pond in there back yard.

Camy and mommy decided to go into grandma's raft. There we tons of tadpoles that we got to watch.

Grandma and Camy up north at grandpa's pond. They are throwing rocks into the pond.

Don, his mom and brother have been busy getting everything ready for there mom. They have looked at places for Linda to stay when she starts to get to sick to stay home buy herself. This week they went and got all the funeral arraignments set up. This has been hard for everyone. It has helped that Linda has excepted what is happening to her. She it trying to do as many things before she gets to sick.

Don doesn't talk to me really about what he's feeling or whats he's going throw. I'm trying to give him his space but still try and be there for him.

good week so far

I can't believe it's already Wednesday night. I had my grandma, great Uncle and his girlfriend over for dinner last night. It was nice to have them over for dinner and to show them our new house. My great Uncle is very old fashioned. We had all the food set out on the counter so everyone could grab what they wanted and the sit down and eat. We'll my great uncle says "give me a burger and bun." Don says you get up and get or you're not going to eat tonight. We'll the way I am, I don't like to have conflict, so what do I do, I give him what he wants.

Cameran and I are doing better this week. I'm trying to do things a little different when he starts to act up. So tonight when he was in the naughty corner and he started to scream I walked out of the room and just let him sit. He came looking for me and I was in my bedroom. I asked him if he was all done screaming? Cam said yes and then I told him if he was going to scream some more then he should go back into a time out and when he was ready to come out and be good that he could come and get me again. He seamed to take this very well. We both went back into the kitchen and finished his dinner. He didn't scream anymore. I'll see if this works tomorrow too. It's so hard because I don't want to yell because that just makes it worse.

On a good note Cam has been asking to go to the bathroom lately. So we go and sit on the potty. He hasn't actually went potty but he has interest in sitting on the potty. It funny, he sits facing the tank. I have no clue where he learned that.

I got a phone call from our friends from Land O Lakes. They are heading down south and wanted to now if they could stop by on Saturday. Cameran is so excited to see his little friend again. We do miss them so much. I'm so glad that we get to see them.

Fathers day and Grandma's Birthday

Today is Fathers day and my mom's birthday. In the morning we made waffles (Cameran's favorite breakfast food, well favorite anytime food) We then watched Daddy play with his new toy the preacher washer he got for Fathers Day. He cleaned our concrete deck. It was really dirty, but it look brand new now.

Before Cameran's nap he helped me make muffins for Grandma's birthday. Well he mostly just ate the batter but we had lots of fun. Here are some cute pictures of Cam helping me.

He wanted his own bowl to eat the cake mix.

After Cameran got up from his nap we went up to Grandma's and Grandpa's house for Fathers day and Grandma's birthday. We grilled out and ate outside too because it was so nice. After dinner we went across the street to my aunt and uncle's house to go swimming. Cameran enjoyed playing in the water. Here are some more pictures of our day.

Cameran and daddy are playing in his new sand box by grandma's and grandpa's house.

Grandma's race car as Cam would call it.

Grandpa's semi that Cam want to go for rides in.

Cam and Daddy swinging. He is doing so good swinging my him self.

After we were done swimming Uncle Tommy put his sun glass on Cameran. Cool shades Cam.

Cameran's trying not to smile, but it's not working.

We are back

I'm not sure were I should start. It's been a couple very busy weeks. Moving, cleaning the new house, unpacking all our crap into the new house, hanging pictures, fixing up the yard. With all that I also started working full time. Cameran finishing his second week at daycare. He is going 4 days a week and one day a week he go's by Grandma's house. The first week was hard for both Cam and I. His first day was June 4th and when I dropped him of he really cried for mommy. As I was walking away to go to work I so badly wanted to go back and say it would be ok but I new that would be a bad idea. I really had to hold back the tires. I called the daycare at about 10:00 to make sure he was doing ok and they said he was doing just fine. Which made me feel much better. That first week he cried every day I dropped him off but the second week he was doing much better and I'm also doing much better with sending him to daycare.

Cameran and I have been having a ruff couple of weeks though. He seems to be really naughty when I'm around. That has been really hard for me to handle. I'm going to work 40 hours a week and when I come home Cameran is soooo naughty. He does everything and anything to push my buttons. I try and try to not yell and get mad. The one day my mom watched him and she came to my house to drop him off and she says he was so good. They had lots of fun. But as soon as he saw me he started screaming and started acting up. I tried getting Cam to eat. I even said we'll go for a walk after he's all done. That didn't work and he started to scream again. So I put him in a time out, he screamed more and louder. I told Cam that if he's not good, mommy and Senta are going for a walk with out him(my mom was still with us). Cam didn't get better so Senta(our dog) went for a run and my mom watched Cam for me. Cam cried and cried. He wasn't happy at all. But when I came back he was ok and he was still eating. I feel so bad because I'm not enjoying my very little time that I get with Cameran. I'm actually happy to be back to work because Cameran and I haven't been so good. One of my friends said this weekend she herd someone say "there will be a time you hat your kids as much as you love them" I feel like such a horrible mom but I truly felt like this. This Saturday Cameran picked up a candle and I asked him to put it down and he ended up throwing it, so I picked it up and I told him that was naughty. He started to scream and scream and I just started to cry. I couldn't help it. I love my little boy so much and I hate feeling like this. I hate only have 3 hours with him a night and that time with him is not a good time.

After reading this over I feel horrible about wanting to work instead of being with my son. I love my son so much and it hurts. I just want to time I spend with him to be good, not bad.

On a better note we had a great day today. It was my mom's birthday and we went up to my mom and dad's house for a cook out. It was fun. Cam gave grandpa a fathers day card and gave grandma a birthday card. He told Grandma "happy birthday" It was so cute the way he said it.

No Internet for a week!!

I will not be able to check or post for a hole week because we are moving today and we won't have Internet for a week. Bummer, I'm going to have withdrawals. LOL. We're going to pick up the moving truck at 11:30 and it is 88 miles away one way. What fun. We are going to pack up the truck tonight with everything and tomorrow about 12:00/1:00 we will be on our way to our new house. I really hope everything fits into this moving truck because if it doesn't we'll have to come back up and pick another load up on Saturday. It sucks having so much crap. We'll this is it I have to tare down my computer and get more packing done.

I wanted to give you some info about the place we are leaving. It really is a great place, check it out. It called Conserve School. I'm sorry to say we are leaving but it is just time for us to part and go back to family and friends. We will truly miss living up north but I'm very excited to be close to Wal-mark and eat place too. LOL We will still be going up north to go hiking, fishing, camping, and snowmobiling but it will take us 4 hours instead of no hours.

I will post more after we are all done moving and settled in. Have a good Memorial Day Weekend

Bond Falls, MI

Today is my last Wednesday being a stay at home mommy. So I wanted to do something special with Cameran. It was nice out this morning so Cam and I went to Bond Falls, MI. We went and saw the falls and throw rocks into the water. Cam loves throwing rocks. We also went to the top of the falls and played around there too, throwing more rocks.


I wanted to just spend a nice morning with my little boy. It was a great day together. I took tons of pictures and I'm so happy. I have a slide show but I'm not able to take the time to get it working so I'll post it later.

I love you Cameran.

Sue has tagged me for a Restaurant Meme. To be truly honest where we live there really aren't Restaurants. It's mostly bar food. We don't have Applebees, or even a McDonald's. If we wanted to go to an Applebee's we would have to travel 2 hours south to eat. And for a McDonald's that is about 45 min. away. So this one will be very difficult of me to do. I'm only going to be able to put down one place that we enjoy going to eat becuase it's really the only place we go. We have a very exciting life of going out. LOL

1. Add a direct link to your post below the name of the person who tagged you. Include the city/state and country you're in.
Nicole (Sydney, Australia)
velverse (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
LB (San Giovanni in Marignano, Italy)
Selba (Jakarta, Indonesia)Olivia (London, England)
ML (Utah, USA)
Lotus (Toronto, Canada)tanabata (Saitama, Japan)
Andi (Dallas [ish], Texas, United States)
Todd (Louisville, Kentucky, United States)
http://www2.blogger.com/
Jiggs Casey (Berkeley, CA, USA! USA! USA!)
Kat (Ontario, Canada)
Cheezy (London, England)
Paula (Orange County, California, U.S.)
Jeff (Colorado, USA)
gekko(Arizona, USA)
Norma (Columbus, OH)
Janeen (Cleveland, Ohio USA)
Sue (Southern New Jersey, USA)

2. List out your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location.

Bents Camp Resort, This is a nice bar and restaurant. They have all around good food like steaks and pizza. One nice thing about live up north and not having to many restaurant to go to you get to know the waitress and the bar tenders.

I'm going to tag.
Kim
Rae
Jenna

Thinking to much....

Today was filled with more packing and loading up Don's truck so we can head down to Pewaukee on Friday after Don is done working with yet another load. The load consists of kitchen stuff and my work drawings. The trailer is just packed with bikes, the grill, chairs and just odds and ends stuff. We will also be taking down my car to stay at our new house. We're going to load that up with close and plates. It'll be nice to get all the hard packing stuff out of the way.

I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to feel when I'll be working all day and Cam will be at daycare all day. When I get home from work I'll only have 2 hours to play with him and then I'll need to get him ready for bed. Did we make the right decision to move? I'm so scared that we are making the wrong decision. I feel so bad that I've complained about Cam some days when we're not having a good day. Now I feel like I'm going to miss out on watching Cam grow up. I've been so lucky that I've been able to spend 2 1/2 years watching Cam grow up, but I don't know if I spent that time with Cam to the fullest. How do the mom do it that went back to work after 6 weeks of having there babies. I'm feeling very over whelmed about what we are doing right now. Were we live is a very beautiful place and I'm able to stay home with Cam, but were we are moving to we'll be close to family especially my mom. Were we live and were we are moving too are so different that you can't even compare them. I know there's not turning back now but I just really hope that everything will work out. To think I won't be able to see my little boy when ever I want to or take tons of pictures just because he's my little boy. :(

On a lighter note, today Cam had a fun day playing outside and helping me pack. The weather up here is very crazy, on Monday it was 85 degrees and today it was 45 degrees. Cam loves riding on his trek and his 4 wheeler. Here are a couple of pictures of him. When ever his trying to concentrate he always has his tong out. LOL.

Tonight it was daddy's turn to give Cam a bath and Daddy called me into the bathroom and I walked in on Cam and Daddy throwing water all over. It was pretty funny.

Cam always has fun with daddy even thou it might be pretty messy.

see all that water!! LOL You should have see all the water on the floor and how wet daddy was.

New House

On Friday the 11th at 8:15 we had to be at our new house to do a walk throw(to make sure there weren't big holes in the carpet, things like that) before we went to the bank to sign all the papers and get our keys for our NEW house. We had to take Cam with us but while we were at the bank signing the papers he was pretty good. When we were done at the bank we went straight to our new house and dropped off our badly loaded trailer into the garage. On our drive down we couldn't go over 65 miles an hour. The trailer was loaded really bad and if we went faster then 65 it would start swaying side to side. We really didn't want to lose all our stuff so we had to drive slower then normal. It was a long 4 hour drive.

After we dropped the trailer we when straight to Wal-mart to get cleaning supplies and some food. It only took us 45 min. to drive and do the shopping. This is hug for us, because when we go to Wal-mart were we live now it's a min. of a 3 hour trip. Two hours to drive there and back and then that only give you one hour of shopping time, which isn't much time.

The first things we did when we got back to our new house after shopping was we made lunch, peanut butter and jelly and chips on our new patio. It was a great day.

On Friday all we did was clean, clean, clean. We got the kitchen and one bathroom done. Doesn't sound like much but Cam was with us all day and we really didn't get to start cleaning until 11:30 and we only cleaned until about 5. The kitchen always takes so long. I think it took me 1 hour to just clean the refrigerator.

Cameran found his bedroom window very fun. He decided to stand on the sill and jump off it

Getting ready to jump off the sill

Look mommy I can jump of the window sill. Lets do it again :)

On Saturday my mom watched Cam for us so Don and I went to the house at 7:00 am and we started painting right away. We only painted the kitchen and the living room. We painted from 7 till 5:30. It was a long day. Don is all the rolling and I did the cutting in. Here are some pictures of before and after. It's always hard to pick out paint colors, but I do like this color, thank god.

very, very white walls before we painted.

After we painted.

More white walls.

All done painting the living room and kitchen finally.

Don's mom and Grandma came over to help us clean too. With Don's mom having cancer she still wanted to help us clean. I couldn't believe how much she did. They got to our house at about 10 and stayed till 4:30. They cleaned all the window and cleaned most of the shades. Don's mom and grandma looked so tired when they left. I am so thankful for all the work they did. It helped us so much. I wouldn't like if they only came over and visited with us.

Grandma cleaning windows.


Don helping his mom clean blinds


Don's mom, Grandma and Don eating lunch
on our patio. Again we had a beautiful day.

Thanks again Mom and Grandma for helping clean and my mom for taking care of Cam. Love you all very much.

---Ologies

Sue tagged me with this Meme. Sorry it’s taken me so long to post it. With packing and trying to get everything ready to move and still try and get work done I haven’t had much time to blog. FOODOLOGY Q. What is your salad dressing of choice? A. Blue Cheese Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? A. Taco Johns Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? A. Were we live there are really only bars for sit down restaurants, so I would say I like Bents Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 20%

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. pizza

Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
A. bubble gum

TECHNOLOGY
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A.









Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. 3

BIOLOGY
Q. What’s your best feature?
A. my smile

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. nope

Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. hearing. I’m a good listener

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. about 2 years ago

Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. a pull out couch that weighs about 100 pounds, because we're moving

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. no but I have fainted. I can't handle pain very well is what the doctor says.

BULLSHITOLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. No

Q. Is love for real?
A. Yes

Q. If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
A. I really don’t know

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. greens and blues – makes my eyes bluer

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. probably when I was younger

Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. no

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. no

DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
A. it depends on what public street. Were I live I might because there are only about 5 businesses down town.

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. it depends on what kid of kiss, just a peck sure I would

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. I would pass on this one.

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Sure give me $50,ooo, my husband would love that then I wouldn’t be on the computer so much.

Q. Would you pose nude in a magazine for $250,000?
A. I don’t know if I could do that one or not.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000?
A. I would do it but I don’t think my body could handle that and I hat throwing up.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. no

Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. Sure I could try. I wish that one would be easy but I don’t think it’s that easy to do.

Q. Give up MySpace forever for $30,000?
A. sure, that one’s easy I don’t go onto that one anyway.

DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
A. Nothing

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A. not a big movie watcher so I don’t even know if it’s really a movie or not

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A. carpet on top of concrete floors with no pad underneath. Not the best for kids

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A. Stand.

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A. yep

Q: How many pairs of flip-flops do you own?
A. 3

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A. never

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A. to travel with my family

LASTOLOGY
Q: Last friend you talked to?
A. don, we had lunch together. I also talked to my cousin, Kelly just before lunch

Q: Last person you called?
A. My cousin, Kelly.

RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
A. into town to drop Cam off at daycare for the day.

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A. be all done moving and be settled into our new house

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A. I don’t actually remember. It was in February some time

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A. I think that I am.


I'm going to tag Michelle and Kim. Have fun girls - I did. If anyone else wants to join please do, just send me an e-mail.

What a nice day

It was such a nice day today that Sarah, the kids and I went four a nice bike ride to the area lake and the kids played in the water. Here are some pictures of our day.

just a nice picture of the sun behind the clouds

Cameran and Ryhi

Cameran and Ryhi again.

Cam throwing rocks into the lake.

We won't have to many more days like this. On Friday we close on our new house. Very exciting but very scared at the same time.

Weekend at the cottage

This weekend we went to our cottage about 1 hour south of were we live. Cameran's Aunt, Uncle and cousins came to stay at our cottage on Saturday morning with us for the rest of the weekend.

On Saturday morning we went over by Grandma and Grandpa to play around on the four wheelers and cook out.

Here are some pictures of Grandpa riding Brandon's four wheeler. He's really given er'

Grandpa and Grandma are building a new house so they have hug piles of sand in there yard. Don was trying to be king of the hill and then Grandpa and Cameran decided to join Don at the top of the sand hill.

Grandpa always has great idea's. Here is one, he decided it would be fun to try and get his four wheeler up on top of this dirt pill.

On Saturday night we had dinner at Grandpa camper that he has in the back of his 30 acres. The boys got to throw rocks into the pond that Grandpa made too. They enjoyed them self's a lot.

We went back to Grandpa and Grandma's new house on Sunday. Grandpa had some more great ideas, he thought it would be fun to get Brandon four wheel on top of this dirt pill and have the boys site and get there pictures taken. I have to add mite they are cute pictures.

This is a cute picture of the boys on the big hill.

And here is a cute picture of Cameran

This is a picture to show how big the hill was.

We had a great weekend spending it with family.